Archive | March, 2012

Understanding Mother-Daughter Relationships

29 Mar

It would be a lie to say that my mom and I have always been on good terms. Actually, it would be an even bigger lie to say that we’re on good terms right now. But even so, I will say this: my mom is the best mother anyone could ever ask for. That’s a nice thing to say about someone you’re not on good terms with isn’t it?

Well, I have realized a certain pattern in our relationship that I think makes us a good example for other mother-daughter relationships. We have tried fighting, not fighting, the silent treatment, avoiding arguments, counseling…pretty much everything. Have we found a solution to end our bickering and disagreements? No. Not yet. And to be honest, I don’t think we ever will.

I will never be able to say these things to my mother because I don’t know if she will understand them. But maybe while you are reading this you’ll think about your mom and it’ll help you both better understand each other. Understanding each other is probably the key to any mother-daughter relationship; more so than listening or talking, what good is any of that if you don’t get it?

Because I now understand my mom a little more, I try not to pick fights with her. I instead, try to get her to listen to me which has been the toughest part of the past year or so. While I still lived at home, she was always trying to get me to listen and now that I have moved out, the tables are turned. At first, I was a little annoyed and I kept saying that I had to be the “better person” and not fight with her. But when it comes to mothers and daughters, there is no “better person”. We are equal, or at least I’d like to think so.

The thing is, we cannot stop our mothers from worrying about us. It’s just not possible. And it may seem silly, but ever since I got my kitty, I understand that better. Whenever I can’t find him, I panic. Whenever he doesn’t have food or water in his bowl, I feel really sad for him. I can’t control it. When I started noticing these things about myself, I started calling my mom just to say hi and ask her how her day was.

Moving out was probably the best decision I have ever made, especially when it comes to our relationship. I actually WANT to see my mom now, and I WANT us to talk and hangout. I can’t tell you I felt that way when I still lived at home. She doesn’t understand it. She doesn’t get how being apart can make us closer, or if she does, she just misses me way too much to admit it.

My mom has been wrong about a lot of things. But no one is perfect. My mom has also been right about a lot of things. These things are usually things that I already know but I pretend to not know them so that she can feel like she taught me something. That makes her happy. And honestly, that is all I want for her and I know that is all she wants for me. The difference is, I know what makes her happy and she doesn’t know what makes me happy.

The best part about my mom is that she always knows how to make me feel better. She might not always say the right things at first, but she does come around. I used to think talking to her was pointless. Why should I talk if she isn’t going to listen? But now I see that I can’t give up on her. That’d be like giving up on a perfect relationship with Prince Charming just because he has one little defect.

My mom has always told me that she wants us to be best friends. Whenever she used to say this, I would turn away and giggle. Now I am speechless because I want that too. But I don’t think I have ever told her that, and that is something I just realized now. Regardless of how crazy I think she acts sometimes I want that crazy person to be there for me all the time. I want her to know about my life. I want her to know me. And I don’t think she really does.

Sometimes I do just want to give up. A lot of the times I just want to pretend that I don’t want to have a real relationship with my mom and keep pretending that fighting with her isn’t such a big deal.  The truth is I can’t keep that sixteen year old mentality anymore. I admit that if I could, life would be so much easier, but since I can’t I need motivation to keep me going.

When things are broken we have to fix them, and when relationships are worth it we have to fight for them, no?

It’d be wrong not to fight for my mom- and I guess that is what will keep me going.



24 Mar

I’m going to be personal with you for a bit. 

I’ve been kinda sad lately. And this morning I had an epiphany. The reason for my sadness is my own stupidity.

I have been thinking quite a bit about the future. I have made a six-month plan, a one year plan, a five year plan… and let me tell you something. That has left me nothing except endless thoughts that start off with “what-ifs”. And these “what-ifs” have often lead to disappointment and discouragement.

To avoid feeling discouraged and disappointment, I try to think about this:

I’m only twenty years old. I am currently doing everything a twenty year old is supposed to be doing. I go to school full-time, work part -time, do extra-curricular activities, and have a social life.

But then, I can’t help myself from thinking: but is that REALLY what a twenty year old is “supposed” to be doing?

WHAT IF I can’t get an internship before I graduate and have no job when I get out of college?

WHAT IF I have to work in restaurants my entire life for $10 an hour?!

There you have it. I did it again.

But worry not-

I have found a solution. 

Forget the six-month plan, one-year plan, and five-year plan. Live one day at a time because you never know what can happen in 24 hours or even in 60 minutes.

So here’s a note to all of you OCD college students (takes one to know one) : Chill the F$%# out, and WHAT IF you tried this with me. Have goals but don’t plan them out like a trip to the supermarket.


Soulmates and Angels and Dreams and Shit

2 Mar

Is it weird to feel like you need someone even though you’ve never met them before? Like you have a little empty space in you and you know what that person is supposed to be like but they just don’t exist? And I’m not necessarily talking about soulmates here, because I’m not too sure if i believe in them. But its an interesting concept right?

What if then, you start having dreams about this person? Not nightmares, but almost like they’re guiding you through life when you need help the most. Somehow they send you signs to let you know they’re there… okay, maybe now I sound like I’m talking about angels or something. Which I’m not, because I don’t know if I believe in them either.

I could just have a huge imagination, which I can’t be too upset about because I guess that would make me a better writer, or maybe that “person” does exist?

It could also just be my conscience but a long time ago, I could have sworn I didn’t have one of those.

Or I could just be crazy.

Regardless, I know why I have my “person”, who he is, what he’s like, etc.  The question is why?